The Premier League Kick Off


[Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last call for, ‘The Premier League Kickoff]


People start to roll into the theatre, desperately scrambling for their seat. The lights off their phones illuminate the once pitch black theatre. “Excuse me”, “Pardon me”, “That’s my seat!”. If eagerness had a physical form, it would be on show tonight, but that’s not what we are here for. For tonight is a big spectacle: the Premier League is about to begin.

The excitement encompasses the air, not completely though. Though optimism still monopolies the mood of the theatre, pessimism has found a small home within this establishment. Murmurs beget murmurs, which begets more murmurs. If you listen closely, you may be able to pick up on a few “inaudible” conversations:

“We’ve bloody sold a cow for some magic beans with that Suarez deal”. Ah! Liverpool fans. I wonder how this show will fair without the antagonist? Every story needs a villain, but who will take on the mantle, or will it be unlawfully bestowed onto someone by the media?


[The murmurs continue]


“We might as well enter a 5-a-side league”. The exodus at Southampton has a distasteful gory horror ring to it. At times it has almost been unbearable to watch. Flowers delicately natured, only for vultures to swoop in on their defenceless prey.

The murmurs are halted by an outbreak of chants in the upper tier.

Ceremonious cheers breakout, as the curtains finally start to part like the Red Sea.

The Film Previews

Gunning For the Title

Arsenal stunned the current champions, City with a 3-0 scoreline. Promising yes, but like all previews, you can’t invest all your hope into it. You can’t guaranteed that it’ll be a hit movie. Both teams were missing leading cast members, so we’ll just have to wait until September 13th, when two sides meet in the league at the Emirates. Nevertheless, the dress rehearsal was promising.

The Flying Dutchmen

Man United can now be mentioned in the same short asthmatic breath as Arsenal’s “Invincibles”. Van Gaal’s appointment has ensured that United went through the whole preseason unbeaten, beating some high-profile teams along the way.  He has already imposed his mark on the club with a tactical shift in formation. However, the lack of personnel brought in, not just to replace the vast experience that just left, has ensured that this Transfer window farce can compete with he who shall not be named’s (David Moyes) first transfer window.

Mourinho’s March

If  we had a transfer spectrum that registered the amount of transfer activity a team is involved in then, United will be at the very lowest point, and Chelsea will be at the very top. Jose Mourinho finally has a championship winning team, though he had one last season too, but even more so now. No falling around was done, as Chelsea’s transfers were wrapped up very early in July. Expect to see a great on-screen relationship between Cesc Fabregas and Diego Costa.

Sleeping Giant

A sleeping giant is not dormant, and current champions, Man City have for once behaved sensibly in the transfer window, whilst their rivals below them have grabbed all the headlines. City have spent this summer working on  solidifying their infrastructure, with a few additions of defensive cover and tying down their key players to new contracts. No doubt, City will be the team to beat.

Bite Another Day

The Champions League welcomes back an old foe. Liverpool finally mark their return back to the European competition that has been quite faithful to them, although, they will be without a notable absence. Liverpool were without European football last season to deter them from fiercely challenging for the title. All eyes will be on them to see if they can balance the burden of both competitions. Watch out, for Coutinho who in preseason has shown that he has entered his name in the ballot for the main role of, protagonist.

[The murmurs have subdued, the curtains rescind further, and movie is about to start]

I wonder how this movie will end… I’m switching off my phone now, so until then.

By @Yvevolution

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