Top 10 PL Signings of the Summer

This is usually a thorny issue since every fan wants their team to have done the best business and slaughtered I will be for the controversial list I am about to reveal, warning Arsenal fans Cheick Tiote won’t make this list.

10. Bojan Krkic – I can already hear you baying for my blood. No, I haven’t included him just because I have him in my FPL. He is seemingly and against all odds striving at Stoke On Trent for some weird reason as if he just got bored of Tiki Taka and mutated to long ball mentality, to be fair Mark Hughes has tried to make Charlie Adam and his band of thugs play football ‘the right way’, and Bojan is loving being the main man and something of a rare object around those parts- someone who has actually completed more than 200 ground passes in his whole career, and so young!

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9. Mame Biram Diouf, yes two Stokees make my list and no the title isn’t a mistake and neither did I intend to write a flop of the season article. Mame is actually a wonderful footballer in that his physicality doesn’t seem to affect his thinking and concentration power, technically very good see his bicycle goal against Schalke and he has the arrogance to make that centre forward position his own alongside Bojan.

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8. Dusan Tadic, for the stats manic fanatics he should be the most exciting thing since Olivier Giroud having better scoring stats than Diego Costa. His chance creation rate in the Eredivisie last season was off the charts, created 114 odd chances for his team mates, Southampton should spray him with Anti-Scouser spray and sprinkle Holy water on him and hope the scent doesn’t carry to Anfield. Grazianno Pelle looks to be the main beneficiary of his chance creation and Jay Rodriguez is already salivating at the prospect and so is my FPL.

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7.Diego Costa, he certainly looks like a Pablo Escobar reincarnate but he is no slouch infront of goal, and for a big man has extremely good feet and even when he doesn’t score he riles defenders and makes a living out of being despised by fellow footballers. He is rugged and the only man who scares the living bejeezus out of the Pepe-Ramos double act, I doubt he’ll get along with Koscielny and co but a 30 goal season isn’t beyond him if he doesn’t stay up too late watching Nando Torres’ tapes.

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6. Enner Valencia, fresh from the Liga MX Valencia is confident that Upton Park will soon welcome Real Madrid to it’s hallowed grounds and Allardyce can do nothing but chew his gum and try to play attacking football to suit the aerial prowess of this ultra confident young man, with Downing to spray those crosses that would require Andy Carroll to stand on Shaqueal O’Neal’s shoulders to reach them no problem then. Back him to upset a few aerially challenged defenders and bag a couple.

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5. Francesc Fabregas, this Blue Gunner is a star no matter if he’s a Barcelona reject his output is phenomenal, scores goals and assists and looks like a serial killer and kisses the blue badge, everything you’d expect from a former Arsenal captain. I’m not sure how Mourinho explains his philosophy to him, what Jose believes in is the very anti thesis of what this La Masia chap believes in. Expect a few tense derbies and pizza hidden behind that number four on his back, maybe Fergie had a premonition that this lad was coming back and retired and sits so far away from the pitch Cesc would need Rory Delap to help him throw a pizza that far.

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4.Remy Cabella, Joe Kinnear must be turning in his kebab filled grave at how that wee club in the North are signing players left, right and centre. Cabella is a star, creates chances, scores goals and has that guile that entrances you, glides with the ball and just as well because if he played for any other team Vurnon Anita and Cheick Tiote the two man Mob would cripple this beautiful player.

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3. Ander Herrera, he can pick a pass can’t he. What makes him so special isn’t his Spanish roots or the fact that he is a terrier in the middle of the park, no. It is the fact that he is a Marcelo Bielsa pupil and as a result he is a student of football and understands tactics, space and control. Any student of El Loco is good with me, isn’t quite like all the other Spanish lads at all the other clubs in that he isn’t a classic 10, can be a central midfielder or one part of a double pivot and Louis Van Gaal is his new teacher, how lucky can one get in one lifetime?

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2. Alexis Sanchez, I love this guy, runs his fullback ragged and when he cuts inside the centre backs act injured, his evasive running ties defenders in knots, Me thinks Mertasacker was a huge factor in trying to lure him to the Emirates, Per might have even contributed to pay his buy out clause, the prospect of playing against Alexis wasn’t one that appealed to Per at all. Finally a wideman who can score goals in big games for Arsenal, big game player to boot and he makes his shorts short, extremist this one.

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And FINALLY, the big one:

 

1. Muhamed Besic.Where to start, in a few years this lad with a HUGE temper might be a transfer target for Real Madrid when they get bored of Toni Kroos, he has excellent technique, quickest feet you will ever see and a tenacity that would make Gennaro Gatusso shy, disciplinary problems aside he is a genuine master piece in the middle of the park and at only 21, him and McCarthy and Barry will make Everton rock solid and Merseyside derbies will be a tad more interesting now, hope Stevie tries to mess around. He is a Diamond in the rough and I can only doff my hat to Roberto Martinez for scouring the market and literally stealing this Gem from under Europe’s eyes.

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I’ll do another top 10 piece when the window closes, Honourable mention to Bafetimbi Gomis, Grazianno Pelle, Fernando the Octopus, impending Matteo Mussachio and David Ospina if he can dislodge that annoying selfie taking guy at the Emirates.

By @CJSonOfAnarchy

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